im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
