THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
