after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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