It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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