I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I checked into jail on foursquare
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
