pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
