GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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