well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
