I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
