yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
