Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
