I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
