I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize