Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
soo... how was my night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
