He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
