please come you make the beer taste better
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
