we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
