Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
