the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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