Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
