I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
