I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
