Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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