I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
