I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
