I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
