Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
