In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Your dad touched me again.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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