i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
