her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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