I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
