I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
