There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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