what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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