im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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