The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
