We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
