So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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