The maid of honor just puked.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
