I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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