After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
