Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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