My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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