All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
