I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize