He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
