...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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