Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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