So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
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I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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