You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
