went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
