So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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