paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Michael Bay diarrhea
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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