guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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