your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
