i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
