woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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