Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
