at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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