six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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