if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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