I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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