Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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