my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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