Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
They have beer where we have blood.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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