I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
