I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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