Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My room smells like vodka and shame
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
