John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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